Movie Reviews and Ideas
Welcome to HollywoodClosers.com. This site is our mouthpiece to the world on the current state of the film industry and how all of the weak movies that are being made could have been done better. Take a look at some of our movie reviews and suggestions and let us know what you think about our ideas and feel free to give us some of your ideas as well. Who are the Hollywood Closers? We are Adam and Jody White, two brothers that love movies and have a vested interest in the movie industry. We want to see film studios take the time to make movies the right way. The details of a movie make all the difference and too many films that are released lack just a few details in the story that would take it from an OK movie to a great film. We give you our take on how these movies could have been better.
City of Ember - City of Garbage
November 6th, 2008 | 2008 Releases
I am really getting tired of movies based on best selling books. Hey Hollywood, just because Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings have done so well, doesn’t mean every book in the world should be made into a movie.
I took my kids to see City of Ember and I really have to say that I almost fell asleep from boredom. The story moved along so slowly which makes no sense because they had to take a big book and make a 120 minute movie. If anything the story should have moved too fast.
The main villian in the movie (Bill Murray’s character) wasn’t even a real villian. He wasn’t trying to stop the kids from getting out of Ember. They made it seem like if he caught them they would never escape. Ember was a dump hole. I am pretty sure everyone wanted out of that place.
So the kids find the clues to get out which by the way were some of the most rediculous “clues” I have ever seen, and then find the way out of the city and out to the abandonded surface of the earth. Then instead of helping everyone escape they just drop a rock 5000 feet down the hole in the ground to the city and hope someone sees it and reads the attached note.
The more I write about this story the more I get annoyed by it.
Evan All Lame (Review of Evan Almighty)
July 20th, 2007 | 2007 Releases
Well Jody and I recently saw Evan Almighty. I had feeling going into this movie that it was going to be lame but since we are both such big fans of “The Office” we had hope.
I should have gone with my gut instinct on this one. This was probably one of the dumbest movies ever made. I am still trying to wrap my head around how they managed to spend $175 million to make one of the worst movies ever. The only thing I can come up with is they spent the money to create digital animals which would be fine except there was no purpose to even have the animals in the movie in the first place.
Evan was supposed to be the new Noah. In an attempt to add humor to the movie they decided to have animals follow him around wherever he went. It was mildly entertaining the first time they showed how it interfered with his new job as a Senator. The problem is they did the same gag about 7 more times.
Sarcasm and Spoilers Now:
I have to say it was hilarious when a stray dog that showed up at their house kept biting Evan’s crotch over and over, or how Morgan Freeman kept dissappearing and appearing to the surprise of Evan, over and over and over.
It was nothing less than a miracle that the flood waters were small enough to stay on one street but for some reason Evan had to build a giant ark. No animals were hurt and none would have been hurt with or without the ark being built.
The funniest part(s) of the movie was this hilarious dance that Evan kept doing for no apparent reason. He even called it, “The Dance”. It was a dummied down non-funny version of a Michael Scott celebretory dance you might see on The Office. To top it all off, after the credits roll Morgan Freeman comes back on and says, “I’ve added an eleventh commandment, thou shalt do the dance.” and then they roll clips of everyone doing “The dance”.
As we were trying to exit the theatre as quickly as possible so as to avoid any more exposure I thought to myself, movies have finally hit rock bottom. If a studio will sign off on this miserable attempt at something even the slightest bit entertaining, it says a lot about the state of affairs in Hollywood.
How We Would Make It Better:
This movie would demand an entire rewrite. They could have done things to make it more entertaining but every part of the movie was so dumb that I refuse to attempt to right this ship. (Pun intended)
Why Lady In The Water Suffered At The Box Office
July 20th, 2007 | 2006 Releases
This post was originally written August 8, 2006:
Warner Bros screwed up big time. They finally got what they wanted, M. Night Shyamalan. He wrote an original, really cool story and they panicked. They thought they had to market as a horror film because thats what Disney had done with his other films and been successful. The previews made the movie look like you would have to endure 2 hours of pure terror.
I am a big Shyamalan fan and would have seen this movie no matter what the preview was, but even I thought to myself, “Is that all this movie is going to be? A wierd looking wolf attacking people for the whole movie? It doesn’t sound appealing.”
I was pleasantly surprised that the movie was not about the wolf but instead was an original story about the amazing role normal people can play in someones life. Days after I had seen the movie I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I have spoken to many people asking them if they will go see Lady and many said that it looks too scary. Even when I tell them it isn’t scary at all, they won’t believe me. Instead they are going to see Pirates 2. Everyone has to see that right? I mean, it’s Pirates 2.
So what has happened, is a good original story that should have been seen by the masses is quickly moving out of theatres while a below average sequel continues to break box office records.
Here is the message we have implanted in the minds and hearts of